


Please just tell me it's not my fault

by marcelthough



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Blowjobs, Crying Harry, Crying Louis, Depressed Harry, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Sad Louis, Smut, Top Louis, handjobs, slight daddy kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-15 14:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1308547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcelthough/pseuds/marcelthough
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been 4 days. 96 hours. There had been exactly 29 hot baths. 119 cups of tea and 31 hot water bottles. Countless tears had been shed and their double bed remained unslept in; Harry slept in their guest bed while Louis slept either on the sofa or in their car. The only words exchanged between the two boyfriends were basic; are you hungry? do you need another cup of tea? another bath? No 'I Love You's or pleasantries were told and Louis slowly saw the color fade away from his boy's eyes. It was a Friday and this time last week, both boys were curled up on the sofa in the warmth of their flat. Kisses were exchanged and there were warm hands lingering on each other's bodies as they giggled and laughed together, buried under a thick winter duvet, an entanglement of limps and fumbled cuddles. </p>
<p>AKA, the one where Harry has a miscarriage and loses his and Louis' baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first time writing on ao3 so i'm sorry if its not brilliant but we can't all be perfect, also my laptop is currently missing a backspace key so...

It had been 4 days. 96 hours. There had been exactly 29 hot baths. 119 cups of tea and 31 hot water bottles. Countless tears had been shed and their double bed remained unslept in; Harry slept in their guest bed while Louis slept either on the sofa or in their car. The only words exchanged between the two boyfriends were basic; are you hungry? do you need another cup of tea? another bath? No 'I Love You's or pleasantries were told and Louis slowly saw the color fade away from his boy's eyes. It was a Friday and this time last week, both boys were curled up on the sofa in the warmth of their flat. Kisses were exchanged and there were warm hands lingering on each other's bodies as they giggled and laughed together, buried under a thick winter duvet, an entanglement of limps and fumbled cuddles. 

The living room door opened and Harry frowned at the cold air that followed his boyfriend as he walked into the kitchen. He pressed the water bottle against his aching skin and bit his bottom lip as to force tears away. He didn't want to cry again. He wasn't even sure he had enough tears to cry anymore. He wasn't aware he could do alot of things, all of which had been proven wrong in the last few months. Louis walked back into the lounge with a cup of tea and he hesitantly offered it down to Harry, who took it with a mumbled 'thanks'.

"Harry--" Louis started softly, and that's all it took for Harry to burst into tears. Louis immediately put the cup down on the floor and got on his knees, tears welling in his own cerlocean blue eyes as he pulled his boyfriend into a hug. "Come on baby, please don't cry." He whispered as he rubbed small circles into Harry's back but the soft gesture only made Harry cry harder. "I love you, I love you so much, I've missed you, Missed you so much. I've missed holding you, I've missed kissing your beautiful lips, I've missed playing with your hair when you're trying to fall asleep, fuck! I miss sleeping with you, it's not the same Haz, please, I miss you so much." He was whispering into Harry's ear as he wrapped both arms around his boy. Harry gripped his neck and sobbed hard, unable to string together a coherent sentence. 

"I f-fee-feel emp-ty!" Harry stumbled over his words and fisted the back of Louis' pajama shirt. "I fe-feel so emp-ty!" and that broke Louis' heart, hearing Harry open up to him. "I feel like I'm breaking, Louis!" He whimpered and pulled back slightly, leaning against Louis still, holding the back of his neck as Louis kept rubbing soft circles into his back. "I was resp-ons-sib-le-e for this, and I couldn't ev-even do that right!" Harry hiccuped, unable to meet Louis' eye. 

"Shh, don't ever say that." Louis whispered and tipped his chin up. "You, are so beautiful Harry, I don't..I don't blame you at all, you did your best baby, you tried so hard...your body wasn't ready...that's all.." Louis sighed and ignored his own watery eyes in order to tend to Harry's. "It's not your fault beautiful, I promise Harry, please stop crying." He whispered, biting his lip so hard he could taste the metallic tang of blood. Harry gently took his face into his large hands and took a shaky breath.

"But it was our BABY Louis!" He whimpered and Louis' lip trembled before he shook his head out of Harry's hands and squeezed his eyes shut, soft, pathetic tears rolling down his cheeks. "I lost it! And I've ruined you, I've ruined us! I'm so sorry, I don't deserve you! I should just leav-AH!" Harry cried out in pain and began sobbing all over again. Louis' hands were gentle on him as they stroked his belly and wiped his eyes with feather-light fingertips.

"I don't blame you.." He whispered. "I love you.." Louis explained again softly as he stroked Harry's face with his left hand, his right busy trying to smooth soft circles around Harry's navel, a small area which had been littered with kisses the previous days, kisses which had been love filled and needed. Harry had worn the same jumper for the past week. It was a tattered old thing; holes were worn into the hem and the sleeves were scraggly and well-used. But it had been filled out beautiful with the soft 3-month bump which was beginning to form. Their 3-month bump. "I'm so sorry, Harry." Louis whispered and cuddled up to Harry on the sofa, the sofa pull now draped over both of their bodies. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I know it's not the same now, but I promise, If I could go back and take this pain away from you, I would, believe me, I would do it in a heartbeat because your smile is worth everything to me. You're so perfect and you don't even realize." He finished with a soft chuckle as he kissed Harry's wet cheek. Harry hummed sadly and leaned his head against his boyfriend's. Their hands were holding each other's tightly under the sheet until Harry's slipped away to hold his empty stomach, Louis' own slipped on top and pressed down a little bit, not nearly covering his boyfriend's but the gesture was still there. 

"Do...you think there could still be a chance that it's still in--" Harry had started before his voice cracked and he let out a choked sob, his head turning to bury into the crook of Louis' neck. Louis was silently trying to console Harry. He pressed soft, gentle kisses into Harry's wet skin. The soft, dry, heart-wrenching sobs which were coming from Harry's mouth were destroying Louis all over again and it took everything he had not to scream at Harry to just punch him, to let it out and punch him, but he couldn't because he knew Harry wouldn't and it'd only build up even more. He just simply shook his head and whispered a small, "No." Harry sucked in a breath and bit his lip to keep the noise down as his body started to shake back against Louis'. "I was so excited to meet her..." He whimpered and Louis nodded sadly.

"How did you know it was going to be a 'her'?" Louis asked softly, his hands beginning to stroke Harry's stomach underneath his jumper. His fingers were careful and delicate as they touched Harry's soft and slightly stretched skin. Harry sighed softly and shrugged back, his shoulders nudging Louis' chest.

"I just had a hunch... we could've called her Amelia-Rose..." Harry whimpered quietly. Louis smiled but bit his trembling lower lip. "Or Madeline..I've always loved that name..." He whispered into Louis' neck as he shifted so his face was buried into the soft fold of his neck and their chests were flush against another. 

"I thought you liked the name Darcy?" Louis hummed thoughtfully as he stroked his fingers gently through Harry's freshly-washed hair. Harry made a snort in his throat and shook his head sadly.

"Where did you get that from?" He asked and Louis blushed slightly, which made Harry smile. "Nah...maybe for a cat.." He said sadly. "But yeah...Amelia-Rose...that would've been our daughter Lou...Amelia- Rose Tomlinson..." He whimpered as his boyfriend played with his hair, fighting his own tears as Harry began sobbing into his shoulder again. "It's not fair!" He screamed and hit the back of the sofa. "Why us!?"

It had been 4 days. 96 hours. There had been exactly 29 hot baths. 119 cups of tea and 31 hot water bottles since Harry'd had a miscarriage and lost his and Louis' baby. And since that time, Harry had been slowly blaming himself more and more each day.


	2. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis is trying to cope with Harry aswell as trying to deal with his own feelings, turns out it's harder than he thought.

Louis woke up at 4;31AM to an empty bed. Harry wasn't in his usual position, snuggled up into the warmth which was Louis' side. His arms had become a ritual, a tradition in which Harry's sleep had grown accustom to. He threw the covers back and yawned as he got up, slipping his slippers on before he rubbed his bare stomach and poked his head into numerous door frames, his disheveled hair sticking through first. "Harry? Babe?" He called quietly, in case Harry had fallen asleep on the sofa or in the spare room. He held his breath as he paused outside of the small box room they were going to use as a nursery. Both men were so excited upon receiving the news of their bundle of joy that they'd rushed out and bought everything they could afford; a crib, clothes, cuddly toys, night lights. It was beautiful. Louis opened the door and his heart split in his chest. Harry was knelt beside the bed stroking a cuddly tiger's hand gently, his hand poking through the slits in the crib. "H- Harry..." He whispered and crawled beside his boyfriend, hesitantly putting his hand on his arm. Harry's breath hitched and he turned his head to the side, facing Louis.

"I- I was just...I- I mean...I'm s- sorry..." Harry whimpered and bit his bottom lip as it trembled. Louis smiled sadly and stroked away a small tear which began to roll down Harry's cheek, catching it before he stroked his fingers through Harry's hair; his dark brown curls were disarranged and fluffy between Louis' skinny fingers. "P- Please don't be angry.." He whispered and closed his eyes as Louis' palm slipped back onto his cheek, brushing his thumb slowly across his cheekbone. Louis shushed him gently and watched as Harry pulled his hand out, putting his hand on top of Louis'. Louis smiled sympathetically as Harry opened his eyes but avoided eye-contact with Louis, who was practically begging for it.

"I could never be angry with you." Louis promised as he peppered soft kisses to his boyfriend's chin and lips. "There's nothing you could do to make me angry with you, Harry. You're my best boy, aren't you..." He smiled rhetorically and begun to lightly lace kisses around his boyfriend's face. His face was stained with wet tear tracks and Louis tried as hard as he could to gently remove the marks away with the soft pads of his thumbs and, when all else failed, his lips. Harry sniffed and nodded slightly, bringing his hand up to knock a few tears away with the back of his finger, finally looking up to catch Louis' gaze. "Are you cold? Tired? Do you want a drink?" He whispered. Harry shook his head and moved so he was sitting on Louis' lap with his arms folded around the back of his neck, stroking where his chestnut baby hairs were soft and innocently fluffy.

"I'm...I'm just really tired.." Harry confessed quietly as Louis' fingers made their way to twist carefully into Harry's disheveled hair. "I don't mean...like, I do, but I don't mean sleep tired.." He sighed as he tried to explain, his words being quietly muffled by Louis' neck. Louis nodded in understanding, his own face burying into Harry's neck. "I'm tired of crying, and feeling empty, and pretending to smile and...all I wanna do is get really drunk..." He sniffed and started gently scratching Louis' hairline again as he nodded. 

"You don't have to explain yourself to me Harry, I completely understand...you're tired of putting on a brave face, I know how it feels." Louis had whispered back. His words were true, he knew all too much how it felt to be smiling but not meaning a since second of it. "Do you want me to tell you a small story?" He whispered and Harry nodded as he closed his eyes, relaxing into Louis' touch. "When I was in secondary school, I'll admit, I didn't have many friends because people didn't like the fact that I was gay, thought it was contagious or some stupid shit like that.." Louis had paused when Harry tutted and mumbled "well then they're dicks..". Louis smiled and kissed below Harry's ear before continuing. "..and they didn't like the fact that I could stand up for myself, perhaps that's why the boys in my year begun to pick on me, I don't even know to be honest.." He shook his head and rubbed Harry's back. "Anyway, I didn't want them to know they were bothering me, I mean, can you imagine the satisfaction they'd have gotten if they knew they were hurting me? I'd never have heard the end of it. I don't know when I broke but...I had a breakdown and It ruined me for a while. I wouldn't talk to anyone- my mum, my sisters, Eleanor, and I--" Harry froze up at the mention of Louis' ex-girlfriend's name. "Sorry, Sorry I forgot, I'm gay babe, don't worry about that.." He assured and Harry nodded, letting out a content purr deep within his throat. "So..I want you to know that it's okay to break sometimes, just know that you're not on your own... you've always got me..." Louis whispered into Harry's hair as Harry's hands tightened around his shoulders, nodding slowly.

"O- Okay." Harry whispered. "Can we sleep now? M'tired." He yawned and if Louis didn't think Harry looked like a kitten before, he definitely did now. "I mean, I- I mean, you don't have to come with me if you don't want, b- but I just...oh..." Harry threw his hands up and bowed his head, his hands and lip trembling in perfect sync. Louis shushed him softly and tipped his chin up with the side of his finger, meeting his beautiful green iris'. 

"Sweetheart.." His soft Yorkshire-accent vibrated in his throat, a gesture which Harry's finger felt as it ran along Louis' jawline. "...you want to sleep? Then we'll sleep, of course we'll sleep, I'll do anything to keep you happy..." He smiled and Harry smiled back for the first time in days. His skin was littered in painful looking goosebumps, and judging by the way he let out odd shudders, he was a lot colder than he was letting on and as Louis looked at him, he could understand why. Harry was wearing old fleece pajama bottoms- plaid, blue and white, Louis remembers fondly the time he'd bought them from Primark on the way home from a business conference in Sweden. He'd promised to have been home by Wednesday, but because of a pile up, he'd ended up not back til' Saturday. And a white long sleeved shirt. One of the arms was pulled up to his elbow while the other ran all the way to the centre of his palm, Louis flicked his eyes up to Harry's face. His lip was tucked in between his teeth while he stared at the crib. Louis had never really noticed until now how young his boyfriend looked. His young, 19-year-old face looked tired and worn out, and the scary part was Louis thought it wasn't even due to fatigue. He'd been through so much in the past few months and Louis wasn't sure how much longer he'd last, honestly. He'd always known Harry was a particularly sensitive person, never missing an opportunity to tell people how he was feeling or if he needed anything, usually he was pretty easy going. He'd only ask for water if he was asked did he want a drink. Louis had asked him once why, it wasn't as if he was being a neussance, if anything, it was himself for asking for a cup of tea but he'd just blushed and played with his rings, "When I was younger, I was made to do a lot of stuff, I felt like a slave sometimes, so I'm polite and try not to make people do anything for me unless I'm, you know, dying or something." He'd chuckled and damn, if Louis wasn't sure if he was in love before Harry said that then what was he even doing with his life. Louis was knocked out of thought as Harry sniffed and put his hands over his eyes. "Oh baby boy, what's wrong?" He whispered and put a consoling hand on Harry's broad shoulder.

"I just feel so old and useless and unattractive and boring and- I couldn't even keep a stupid baby, Louis! How can I do anything else for you if I can't even do that?!" He cried and Louis pursed his lips as he held Harry's face and kissed him into silence beside a few muffled hums, but Louis was rather fond on those so he supposed they could stay. "What're you doing?" He closed his eyes and gasped heavily as Louis begun to kiss down his neck. Louis pulled back a few inches to look at the clueless expression on Harry's face. He just smiled and begun to kiss Harry's pulse point again, eliciting a soft whine from Harry's throat as Louis' hands pawed at his hips. "Louis..." He whined and turned his head to grand Louis more access. 

"You're not unattractive, or old, or useless, or boring." Louis murmured below Harry's ear before sucking a soft lovebite, his hand lightly pressed against Harry's crotch and he got a warm feeling in his stomach knowing he was pleasing him. "Want me to get you off?" He whispered and Harry hesitated before he nodded slowly, his head lulled back, granting Louis all the space he needed to mark up Harry's porcelain skin and to leave him reminders that he was nothing even similar to the words he called himself. He kissed Harry's stomach after rucking up the front of his shirt. Harry slammed his hand down on his stomach wide eyed and quickly shook his head. "Harry." Louis said softly, although his eyes were dark. "Let me do this." He kissed the back of Harry's showered the soft skin with butterfly kisses before he pulled down the front of Harry's tented pajama bottoms along with his boxers, staring in admiration at Harry's cock. It seemed almost a fading memory now, like a prehistoric bird being found as a fossil in a cave high up in Spanish mountains, were there mountains in Spain? Louis would have to google it later. 

"Are you gonna touch it or study it for foreign disease?" Harry asked impatiently as Louis stroked him slowly. "Lou, please..." He whispered and closed his eyes again, biting against his lip. Louis smiled at how wrecked he already looked and nothing had even happened. His lips were red and bitten and his cheeks were flushing. "I need you, please.." He opened an eye and fuck, that was hot. He pulled Harry onto his lap after pushing off his own pajama bottoms. Harry's straddling his hips, grinding their crotches together and his big hands are gripping the material of his shirt tightly. The way he's kissing Louis though; teeth and hot breaths and all desperate; he could think of it like that. 

"Fuck!" Louis yelps, hips pushing up when Harry begins to thrust his own down. Harry laughs wearily into the kiss at that, and he keeps grinding down, and Louis can feel his cock fattening up in his boxers. He reaches up to grab a handful of Harry's small arse, kneading the flesh between his fingers, pressing his palm down, and Harry makes the hottest little noise and he's just been shot in the head and sent to heaven, yeah. 

"Almost there." Harry whimpers, hands tightening when Louis tilts his head, sucking on his thick bottom lip, and Louis legs a finger stray from the grip he's got on Harry's bum, slipping it down the crease of his boxers to press it to his hole through the material and Harry gasps thickly at that, rocking his hips like he's riding Louis' cock, shuddering as he comes, and Louis watches it happen, content with a flushed lapful of Harry. Harry pants for a bit, loosening his grip on Louis' shirt and before Louis can process it, he slips down his body, palming over his prick heavily before slipping his big, warm hand under the waistband of Louis' boxers, gripping his prick tightly. Louis thrusts up into his grip, giving Harry room to tug down the top of his boxers and let his cock free, and he whines a bit when he sees it, thick and full in his hand, engorged shaft pulsing in his palm. "You're so bloody big." He breathes, and then he's ducking down, pressing his lips to the tip, suckling and flicking his tongue into the bubbling slit, Louis' salty pre-come gathering on the soft pinkness of Harry's tongue. His body jerks and he cries out loudly, a hand tangling in Harry's curls as he comes, his fingers loosen in his hair and Harry leaned back a bit, opening his mouth to taste him a little before letting the rest splatter over his cheeks, chin and lips. Louis swallowed with a dry throat and blinked down at this marvelous man before him, his face painted with semen and his hand still gently wrapped around his flaccid cock before it became sensitive so Louis gently took his hand off, intertwining their fingers instead. "Did I do good?" Harry asked innocently and Louis replied by pressing a bruising kiss to Harry's come-stained lips.

"You were perfect, you're always perfect, my perfect little boy..." He whispered and wiped Harry's face clean. "Always so perfect.." He said softly and Harry yawned. "Come on angel, we haven't got to be up in the morning, let's go to bed..." He said softly and Harry nodded as he got up, allowing Louis to carry him to their bedroom where they exchanged loving kisses before falling to sleep in a warm tangle of limbs and contrasting skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that escalated quickly... @eternalarry_


	3. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis' struggling to deal with his feelings, both about his loss and his boyfriend

The sun was glazing through the slits in the wooden blinds like a torch shining against a puppeteer's fingers, casting pretty shadows against a blank canvas, the blank canvas in this case being their light beige bed spreads. Long cold limbs were supported by shorter warm limbs, soft hair was ruined with slender fingers and matching sleepy smiles glaced the faces of the two lovers. Harry stirred with a sleeping grunt as he turned over, wriggling his small backside into Louis' stomach, wincing at the shooting pain which shot up his right side, as if lightning bolts were aiming straight at his heart at the reminder of what he'd lost. He tried his hardest to keep his eyes closed. He tried all he could to forget, just a little while longer of how much blame he'd have to carry around for the rest of his life. He'd killed a person. He was a murderer. Louis may have said he'd forgiven him, but Harry could see the lack of honesty in his iris', he didn't believe the words Harry spurted about as much as Harry lacked faith in his own. He felt sick down to his stomach, If he couldn't even care for a foetus, no less than 3-months old, then how on Earth was he going to ever be a good husband to Louis, a good boyfriend was already appearing to be a hard job. The soft cotton sheets rustled against Harry's naked chest, brushing over his pale stretch marks and the reminder made him clench his eyes shut even tighter. Beside him, his love was lazily blinking at the back of Harry's head. His hands were absentmindedly wrapped around his stomach, stroking soft lines over the fragile marks. A content hum was made in the older man's throat as he pressed his lips to the back of Harry's neck, nuzzling his nose into the curls at the cape of his spine. Harry allowed the shivers to run along the knobs of his spine, like jolts of electricity coursing through a working circuit.

"Mmm, baby.." Louis murmured in his rough morning voice, covering the soft skin with wet open mouthed kisses. Harry smiled softly and allowed himself to relish in the attention, even if it was undeserved. Harry purred quietly and wriggled back a little bit, turning his head slowly to allow Louis sleepy access to his neck. "You smell so good.." He whispered and slowly sucked on the pale stretch of skin below his ear. Harry's lips parted in a gravelly moan as his fingers came up to wind through the tangled hair which was dishevelled over Louis' eye, sleepy, fluffy and cute. "You like that, Harry?" He murmured once again, nipping with his front teeth, causing Harry to moan a little louder this time, his chest heaving with the weight to keep and hold in a simple breath. "You like it when I bite you?" He was teasing and both himself and Harry knew it. He was out for one thing right now, and that was Harry. Harry nodded and whimpered helplessly as Louis' fingertips grazed and tweaked at his sensitive nipples, evoking a strangled cry from Harry's throat, rough and bitter from lack of use. Louis moved so he was straddling Harry, using everything he had to pin the taller man down to the bed, his biceps flexing with the efforts he was using as Harry writhed and begged.

"Lou...Louis, come on, please, I need you!" Harry whimpered innocently, his eyes pooling with frustrated tears at the lack of friction he was recieving. Louis knew Harry's limits, and he knew how Harry got when they were pushed. Louis nosed at the side of Harry's face, the tip of his nose fitting easily in a dimple on his cheek when Harry smiled. "Please.." 

"Don't worry baby boy.." Louis whispered and kissed down the pale expanse of his neck, leaving dark bruises which contrasted to the white flesh. "I'll take care of you like we both know only I can.." He winked and Harry moaned softly, knowing he could get used to waking up like this.

*___*

"So, I told Zayn he could come round for dinner later." Louis said absentmindedly before taking a sip from his mug, steam from the hot tea hitting his face. Harry frowned slightly and put his half eaten slice of toast back down on the plate, his hands dropping into his lap with an unattractive slap. "What? I didn't think it would be a problem, seeing as Zayn aready knew about..." He trailed off slightly and Harry bit the inside of his cheek with the efforts not to cry again. "Harry?" He nudged the taller boy under the dining table with his toes and Harry's leg moved away, curling his toes as he leaned forwards in his chair slightly.

"I-It's just...well, I-I, I need to put some...laundry away.." Harry said slowly, not meeting Louis' eye. The action didn't go unnoticed, if anything, causing Louis to press on the matter. "Not today, yeah Lou?" Harry was on the verge of begging. His voice felt wrecked already and he could feel his eyes burning with prickling heat as tears filled up to the brim, threatening to fall over the edge. When Harry finally plucked up the courage to look up at his boyfriend, he wished he hadn't. He was expecting to find Louis angry, a deep frown creasing his brow at the thoughts of selfishness running through Harry's brain, but rather instead, his eyes were kind as ever and the corners of his mouth were pulled up into a lazy smile. "I-Is that okay?" He whispered, his voice gone shaky and uneven. Louis' small hand ran along the table before it nudged Harry's fingertips, a small jolt of electricity running through the younger man's body.

"Of course it is." He said softly, eyes not losing their warmth, no matter how much Harry wished they would. Louis just looked sad. No matter how warm his eyes were, or how much he smiled. He was sad. And it was Harry's fault. Louis took in Harry's appearance. His hair was still fluffy from the bath they'd shared in the early hours of the morning, both too tired to stand under the shower, so instead they ran a bath and snoozed in the comfort of each other's arms. His lanky torso was hidden underneath one of Louis' oversized sweaters, and he was wearing grey sweatpants, white ankle socks on his feet. Harry watched Louis' wondering eyes and bowed his head, looking at the small constelation of kitchen floor tiles. "Hey.." Louis said softly, which caused Harry to look up again, raising his eyebrow in question. Louis raised up from the table and held the edge in front of Harry, leaning across to gently kiss his boyfriend. Harry made a small squeak, but it disappeared into Louis' mouth as a hand came up to lightly cup Harry's jaw. Both men kissed sweetly for what seemed like hours. A simple press of lips. There was no spit, and tongue, or teeth, or moans. It was them. It was intimate and it was comforting. It was perfect. There was a sharp knock on the door and Harry tensed as Louis slowly pulled away, glancing at the door with an uncertain frown. Harry looked up at him when a flash of fear ran through his eyes and he gasped, his chair knocked back with the force as he stood up. The wooden legs of the chair clattered against the ceramic tiles on the floor which, if anything, made his heart beat faster. "Harry, Haz calm down.." Louis whispered in an attempt to soothe and calm his boyfriend but Harry frantically shook his head while tugging the sleeves down on his jumper. 

"You said that Zayn wouldn't come round, you said that no one would come round if I didn't want them to, you lied to me!" He cried as the tears fell down his face. "You said, Lou, You fucking said!" Harry was sinking down onto his knees before he crawled under the table like a scared child, rocking on his bum as he pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed into his arms, which were wrapped around his knees. "You said, You promised me, you said Lou, you said!" He chanted and put his fingers in his ears as Louis got on his knees and rubbed Harry's thighs. 

"Come on Harry, love." Louis sighed softly as he kissed his wet cheeks, stroking his hands through Harry's bed-tangled curls. "You were doing so well, baby.." He said softly and Harry felt in that moment his heart breaking in his chest because he didn't want to let his beautiful boy down. He wanted to make Louis smile, always. He wanted to make him smile until he took his last dying breath. "Harry, can you hear me?" Louis whispered sweetly as he gently pulled Harry's hands away from his ears. Harry sniffed and looked up at him, blinking until his eyelashes stuck together, with pretty tears dripping down his cheeks. It was like morning dew on a freshly spun spider's web. Harry nodded slowly and sniffed again. 

"Get rid of them Lou." He whispered hoarsely, like he was fighting a cough. "Please, please just get rid of them, I don't want anyone." Louis nodded in understanding and lightly kissed his boy's temple before he shuffled back from underneath the table and went to answer the door. It turns out it was only the postman delivering a package. Louis signed for it and closed the door, bolting it for Harry's own mental security. "Who was it?" Harry called nervously, a fluffy head of brown curls crawling out from under the table in a clumsy mess of long limbs and watery green eyes. Louis gave him an assuring smile and rubbed his back as his boyfriend got closer. 

"It was just the post love, don't worry, just the post." He whispered softly, tip-toeing up to kiss Harry's nose; the kiss made his nose scrunch up which made Harry look like a kitten. "I love you baby." He whispered and Harry's face split into a grin which in turn made Louis smile. "You're so beautiful." He whispered and peppered kisses on Harry's lips which made Harry giggle like a girl. "Come on, let me kiss you." He put the parcel down and cradled face in his small hands which just made Harry's throat vibrate with a purr while he closed his eyes and allowed Louis to kiss him. "I love you." Louis said again and Harry smiled, kissing back before he took his hands into his own.

"I love you too..." He whispered and sighed as he picked up the parcel, not even reading the sticker to know it was for him. He tore open a corner and shook his head as he walked over to the bin and threw it in. Louis frowned and scratched his head.

"Why did you do that?" He asked and Harry scoffed.

"Baby clothes." He said harshly before he made his way upstairs to their bedroom and slammed the door shut. Louis froze and his heart split in his chest as he stared longingly at the bin, It wasn't the type of longing you'd feel for a girl, or a boy, or even a stunning pair of designer shoes for that matter. No. He stared at the bin longing for their baby. The baby they'd never get to meet. The baby that Harry had conceived when they'd joined to show their love. The baby that Harry had lost while Louis was at work. Maybe Harry was right. Maybe Harry had always been right. Maybe it was all Harry's fault.


	4. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first stages of Louis giving up.

In the following weeks, there'd been no communication in the Tomlinson-Styles household. Harry would be asleep while Louis wakes up for work and he would also be asleep when he comes home, desperate for kisses and praise for supporting his family. His job at a well-paying Estate Agency downtown had been one of the reasons life had been so good for Louis a few months ago. He'd been expecting a baby, he had a beautiful boyfriend, hopefully soon to be fiance, and a spacious house, ready to be filled with children and laughter. He laid in bed, the time 2:29AM. Harry was asleep beside him, breathing softly with their patchwork quilt pulled up to his collarbones and all Louis wanted to do was touchtouchtouch. So he did. He sighed quietly and turned onto his side, shuffling over to his boy's side. He smelt of shower gel and clean laundry. Louis gently combed his fingers through Harry's hair and he purred softly, the corners of Louis' lips turning up as he moved closer and held Harry to his body, the younger man curling closer and Louis smiled because yes, this was what he wanted. He kissed the junction of Harry's neck and sighed softly. "I love you." 

***

"For fuck sake!" Harry screamed loudly as he dropped his favorite cup to the floor while struggling to put the dishes away in the designated cupboard. Louis, who had been reading his ipad on the sofa, immediately leaped up and ran to the kitchen upon hearing his boy screaming and the smashing. Harry had blood running down his ankle from where a small shard of china had gnashed him and the soft pink laid smashed against the while ceramic tiles. 

"Babe, you're bleeding.." Louis mumbled uselessly and begun to pick up the chunks of china. Harry stood shaking, his hands tight fists drew tight by his side. Louis swallowed thickly after putting the broken cup in the bin before he knelt down at Harry's feet. "Babe...you're bleeding.." He said slowly and reached out to gently touch the small cut above Harry's ankle bone when Harry let out a noise which wasn't even human and shoved him, knocking Louis back to the floor. 

"Don't touch me! Who said you could fucking touch me! You're disgusting, don't TOUCH me!" He screamed angrily, eyes wide. Scared. Louis gasped internally because Harry had just PUSHED him Harry had laid his hands on him and, shit yeah that really hurt. "I don't even love you, who gave you the right to touch me..." Harry growled as he glared down at his boyfriend. He looked lost, like we knew he was saying words, he just wasn't sure which ones. Louis blinked quickly, eyes slowly filling with tears as he got to his feet. He rubbed his ass and sucked his lip into his mouth as he moved back, flinching as Harry stepped closer and this wasn't right, Harry shouldn't be scaring him like this. "L-Louis I'm sorry, I didn't mean--" Harry begun to whimper but Louis sniffed and held his hand up.

"No.." He whimpered and fuck, his ass REALLY hurt! "Just..please, I'm sorry!" Louis cried and ran out of the kitchen, going to grab the house phone before he ran up and locked the bathroom door behind him, collapsing on the bath mat before he let his walls down and sobbed.

***

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore, mum!" Louis sobbed in the bathtub. The tub was dry and Louis had a towel around his shoulders as he shook and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, frame shaking as he held his breath. "I don't think he loves me anymore." The phone was held in his hand tightly, in fact, so tightly he was sure he might break it, which of course he didn't wanna do. 

"Honey, I'm sure that's not true..." Jay sighed sympathetically. "He's going through a tough stage right now, love. He just needs time. His body's changing, you know that." Her voice was sickeningly sweet and Louis hated it. He sniffed and put his hand over his eyes, holding his breath as he heard Harry walk past the door to their bedroom. 

"What about me, mum?" Louis asked agilely. When he heard a door close, he released the breath. "What about how I'M feeling...I'm so sad, mum..." He whimpered and let a tear fall down his face, dripping onto his thigh as he hunched over. "I'm so, so sad..." He sobbed and heard the sharp intake of breath his mother took. "I'm not allowed to be sad, because he needs me, but...god I hate him mum, I hate him so fucking much!" He breathed out. He hated himself for even thinking of the man he loved in even a fraction of negativity, but he'd ruined his life. He'd torn away something he wanted so desperately. 

When they'd found out Harry was a carrier, they'd been elated. Finally, they would have something which was theirs and only theirs. Then when Harry fell pregnant, Louis felt unstoppable. He felt higher than high, his boy was full of his baby and everything was perfect. Louis had phoned everyone; friends, family, take-aways, simply to tell them to good news. "Forever and always..." was what they'd tell each other. Harry had even gone as far as to have it tattooed across the dimples at the bottom of his spine. His boy, was full of his baby, and his life was perfect. 

"Louis William Tomlinson, you listen to me young man." His mother said sternly and Louis pursed his lips tightly, careful not to make a sound. "I know you're hurting baby, and I'm so sorry. But, that man needs you. You think you're sad? He's lost his child, Lou. You need to be empathetic towards this-"

"But mum!-" Louis interrupted. That was his baby too, dammit. "This was MY child too!" He frowned and got out of the bath. "And I need him! Why does everyone always feel sorry for the mothers!?" Louis raised his voice slightly, hands shaking. 

"Lou, you know I don't mean it like that, I only meant-"

"Forget it mum, thanks for nothing." Louis sighed defeated, ending the call. For once, he's expected his mum to side with him. Jay was always supportive of every decision Louis made. When he had came out and told her he fancied boys, he was expecting a lecture, to have his bags thrown out and to be rejected. When he was pulled into the smell of familiarity and hands were rubbing his back, he wasn't expecting his mum to just hold him and whisper, "We've always known..." and for his sister to add a "no shit" which his mum had scorned her for. Harry's mother and step-father were just as accepting, telling him to use protection and to be careful. They were both lucky.

Louis exited the bathroom and froze on the spot, looking up at Harry, who was stood infront of their closed bedroom door. His face was a broken-heart waiting to happen and his eyes were red, his lip trembling. No one said anything, they just watched each other, Harry tilting his head ever so.

"You hate me?" He whispered quietly and Louis closed his eyes for a few seconds, breathing out quietly because Harry had heard the conversation. His private conversation. "D-Do you hate me?" 

"Of course I don't hate you." Louis sighed, insecurely wrapping his arms around himself. "I just...I can't keep pretending that I'm okay.." He tried to get the words out, without hurting Harry's feelings but it looked like he was going to get hurt either way. "I can't keep pretending that what's happened isn't hurting me.."

"I'm hurting-" Harry had started.

"Fucking hell Harry!" Louis yelled and drew his hands back to his side defensively. "Not everything is about you! It was MY child too, you fucking moron!" Harry flinched. "I have lost possibly one of the most perfect things I could ever have asked for! I told you, Harry! I told you to stop working so hard and to take it easy! You were pregnant for fuck sake, why were you decorating! I told you to stop! You never listen to me! All my life I have been nice to people, and what does it get me, NOTHING!" Louis shouted angrily, Harry's eyes watering until he couldn't see properly.

"But oh no! Harry stupid Styles has to ignore me and go try and move the sofa! I told you I was gonna do it when I get home but YOU--" He roughly jabbed Harry's chest with his finger and the younger boy winced silently. "Couldn't wait, could you. So yes. I hate you." Louis growled and clenched his jaw, silence falling over both of them. 

Harry sniffed before he started crying, moving to get past Louis but the shorter man grabbed his hips and shoved him against the wall. Harry cried out and squeezed his eyes shut, his breath wavering as he got worked up. "P-Please don't hurt me.." He whispered and Louis froze, eyes widening as he looked down at the white skin underneath his fingernails which were gripped down in Harry's sensitive flesh. "P-Please.." Louis quickly snapped his hands back and shook his head quickly.

"Harry, I'm sorry.." He whispered and Harry just sobbed, muscles not moving an inch. "I- Babe, please.." Louis gently reached out and cupped Harry's face, the man flinching and that hurt. "Look at me, sweetheart. Please, im sorry." He whispered, stroking Harry's soft cheek. Harry's eyes slowly opened, but Louis could see the way his lean body was shaking. He was scared and Louis had made him like that. "I don't hate you, I love you so much, fuck, so much it hurts.." Louis said shakily. 

"I'm sorry I moved the sofa.." Harry sobbed and Louis started crying as they hugged. "I didn't think It would...I'm sorry.." He sniffed and buried his face in Louis' neck. "I'm sorry for everything, please..." 

"Shh baby, please.." Louis said quietly, sniffing as he stroked Harry's hair slowly. "I'm sorry about what I said.." He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head lean on Harry's collarbones. "I'm sorry I wasn't at home when it happened." He tried but Harry silenced him with a kiss and shook his head. 

"Don't." Was all he said, and Louis just nodded, standing with his arms around Harry's waist until he felt he couldn't hold him any tighter.

***

That night was the first time Louis had cried during sex. He gripped Harry's hips and pulled him down to each of his thrusts, sobs and moans leaving his mouth as his boy clawed and marked up his chest. They had grown unsophisticated a while ago, now. Harry's riding had turned purely erratic and Louis was holding him so tightly he was definitely sure there were gonna be bruises on his hips.

"I love you..." Harry panted with his head thrown back, sounding strangled as he moaned. Louis let more tears fall down his face before he slammed his hips up to meet Harry and came buried inside of his tight hole. 

"Harryharryfuckharry!" Louis yelled, body tensing and toes curling as he came down, wave after wave of arousal crashing down on him as Harry clenched around his cock and spurted over his fist, Louis' name on his lips. 

When Harry had cleaned them up gently, he crawled in beside Louis and buried his face into Louis' side. "Thank you..." Harry said quietly and Louis smiled lazily as he scratched his name gently into Harry's back. 

"It was my pleasure..." He said softly, listening to Harry's breathing until he passed out.


	5. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS RUINS "THE FAULT IN OUR STARS" SO IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT, SORRY.
> 
>  
> 
> IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT, I'M JUDGING YOU.
> 
> This is Harry - https://d22d7v2y1t140g.cloudfront.net/m_6376689_iAkGLNoNxeMf.jpg
> 
> This is Louis - http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/louis-tomlinson-birthday-gi.jpg
> 
> This is Liam - http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/01/15/article-2539615-1B622E07000005DC-215_634x697.jpg
> 
> This is Niall - http://www.blogcdn.com/slideshows/images/slides/294/6/S2946/l.jpg?v=1
> 
> This is Zayn - http://data2.whicdn.com/images/51824617/large.jpg
> 
> If these don't work, I'll cry.

It had been a few weeks since that night, and Harry had been off ever since. He'd flinch and walk even slower. Louis had blanked it at first because Harry had always been a little weird, but he was getting more and more distant. "Babe?" Louis said softly, which made Harry look up from his book. He'd been reading "The Fault In Our Stars" and had been addicted ever since Augustus Waters had been introduced. Harry raised his eyebrow and dog-eared the page. "Do you think you're ready for the boys to come over tonight?" He said in that voice which made Harry wanna kick him in the jaw. It was a blanketing voice, because he thought Harry wasn't strong enough yet. He had to protect Harry, because Harry was weak. It made him feel sick. 

"Why wouldn't I be ready?" Harry raised his eyebrow, as if he didn't already know the answer. "Come on, you can tell me." 

Louis twiddled his thumbs and chewed on the chapped skin of his lip before he lowered his eyes. "Because...you know..." He said quietly and this is the quietest he's been in four years, Harry thought. 

"No, I don't fucking know. Spit it out, I lost a baby, Louis, not a leg!" Harry snapped and folded his arms. Louis visibly flinched but Harry didn't stop. "Stop babying me! I'm not a complete failure! I know what's happened and I'm dealing with it...I'm dealing with it!" He shouted wearily. Harry nodded to himself and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "Please just let me deal with this..." And Louis nodded and gently put his hand on Harry's knee. Harry didn't move away but he glared at the hand as if it were going to burn a hole in his jeans. 

"Is this okay?" Louis whispered and it took Harry a few seconds before he nodded and picked up his book again.

***

"You got pizza on your face." Liam chuckled and Niall lifted a hand up to swipe the pizza sauce from his chin. Liam rolled his eyes fondly and rested his head on his friend's shoulder. The beer was flowing easily and the laughter wasn't as awkward at Louis thought it was going to be. Harry hadn't said anything though as he sat on the rug with his legs crossed and his book open in his lap, his can of beer still unopened in his left hand as he watched his friends and boyfriend laugh, blankly. Occasionally, Louis would catch his eye from across the room and would wink or smile, but Harry would just bow his head and keep reading in silence. 

"Augustus Waters died eight days after his prefuneral, at Memorial, in the ICU, when the cancer, which was made of him, finally stopped his heart, which was also made of him. He was with his mom and dad and sisters. His mom called at three thirty in the morning. I'd known, of course, that he was going. I'd talked to his dad before going to bed, and he told me, 'It could be tonight', but still, when I grabbed the phone from the bedside table and say 'Gus' Mom' on the caller ID, everything inside of me collapsed."

"Harry, are you okay?" Zayn asked and Harry snapped his head up defensively, blushing at the sticky, hot trails which were on his cheeks. "Aw, mate, whats wrong..." He pouted his lips out and put down his can of beer to get on the floor. Harry just rutted his bottom lip out and held up the book, Louis knowing instantly. 

"He can't fucking die!" Harry protested, speaking for the first time since the boys arrived. "They were gonna get married!" He sobbed and Louis put down his beer and went over to his boyfriend. "No, don't touch me right now!" He cried dramatically and pushed both boys away. "I'm gonna write a letter of complaint to John Green." He huffed and got up, knocking over his unopened beer. 

"Babe, calm down, it's just a boo-" Louis started but Harry glared at him and hugged the blue book to his chest protectively. 

"Fuck off." He frowned. "Just because the only book you've ever read is the handbook on...on...on having a small cock!" He yelled and the room fell silent. Louis blushed pink, looking at all three of their friends who were biting their lips and blushing, but for an entirely different reason. Even Harry looked like he could laugh. Louis knew he had to swallow his pride here so started laughing, which gave the OK for everyone else to do so. Even Harry smiled sheepishly and bowed his head.

"Hilarious." Louis said slowly, trying to get his tongue to for words properly was hard, considering he'd had nearly a 6-pack of beers all to himself. He looked up at Harry and smiled his reserved smile. "I'm sorry about the book, love.." He slurred and Harry rolled his eyes, sighing loudly. 

"It's fine..." He said slowly before he put the book down carefully and took even more care when picking up the knocked over can and gave it to Niall, who took it with a clumsy smile. 

"I'm gonna use the bathroom then I'm gonna go to bed. G'night lads." Harry said and smiled at his friends, giving Louis a look that said 'clean up the fucking mess afterwards and if anyone's sick on my carpet then I'm making you eat it but apart from that I love you'. "G'night!" He smiled and closed the living room door, heading upstairs.

"He's a weird one, is our Harry." Zayn giggled and finished his beer. Louis hummed and looked at the unopened beer in Niall's hand. "Do you think he's crying over that dumb book." Zayn said to no one in particular. Niall shrugged and yawned, resting his head back in Liam's lap, still holding the can. 

"I've read that book, I'll have you know, and I have had many misery-wanks to it." Niall objected and the room groaned in disgust. "What!" He protested,"ah, suck a dick, all of ya." 

Louis chuckled and rubbed his eyes, the alcohol taking it's toll. 

Zayn was the first one to pass out, curled in a small ball with his ass against Niall's shoulder. Niall and Liam started giggling and contemplated sticking things up his ass, but Zayn farted so they didn't. 

"Fucking rank." Niall frowned and held his nose. Louis snorted and spat beer across the floor. 

"You fucking stink! Who are you trying to kid" He yelled, choking over laughter. "Jesus, shove a cork up his ass please!" Louis frowned and covered his nose. When Liam accidentally elbowed Niall in the balls as he shifted to get his drink, the younger man yelled loudly, waking up Zayn. 

"Shut up!" Louis hissed and gestured to the ceiling, their room the floor above. "God, you're so fucking loud." He cursed and stepped over Zayn, who was rubbing his eyes groggily and mumbling. As he walked to the kitchen, he jumped when Harry hissed his name from the top of the stairs. There were two of him and wow, okay, he really shouldn't have had that last beer. "Yes my lover, my little peach, my chicken nugget, my beautiful little-"

"Shut up!" Harry laughed in the darkness and came down to pull his boyfriend upstairs by the hand. "You need to keep our guests quiet.." He said as he pulled them through their bedroom to their en-suite. 

"Y-okay.." Louis said dozily, smiling like he'd just been caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. "What's up, why...why we in here?" He took a deep breath and frowned in concentration, trying to stay focused but his lips kept twitching into a smile. Harry rolled his eyes fondly and sat his boyfriend on the edge of the bath, Louis grabbed the shower rail for balance and smiled. 

"Okay, well, I didn't eat breakfast today.." Harry said slowly and Louis pouted his lips out. Anti-climax much?, he thought. "And...I keep getting aches in my hips..." He continued and Louis snorted. 

"Maybe its from where I fucked you up against the wall on Tuesda-"

"Louis." Harry cut him off and smiled. Louis nodded and let his eyes close for a few seconds as Harry rummaged through the bathroom drawers. "Lou?" Harry nudged him and his boyfriend jumped, eyes widening. He nearly toppled into the bath but Harry grabbed his shirt with the hand that wasn't holding- oh.

"What?" Louis frowned at the three sticks in Harry's left hand. Harry grinned and pulled his boyfriend into a desperate kiss. "Is that...what?" He asked confused as he pulled back. Harry's eyes were wide and sparkling with clear tears. Louis took the sticks from him and the moment was running through his head like déjà vu. The sticks, the tears, the hugs and kisses, the good news.. the heartbreak, the loss, the crying and the self-loathing. He blinked to get his eyes to adjust to the two pale pink lines on all three white sticks in his hands. He looked up at Harry to find silent tears falling down his face. "Is it.. holy shit." Louis swallowed thickly as his hand gripped the sticks- ignoring the fact they had his lover's piss all over them. "Are..shit.." he yelled and Harry jumped when Louis grabbed his face and kissed him brutally, not leaving him enough time to kiss back before he pulled away and just held Harry's jaw with one hand. "Mine?" He asked stupidly and Harry rolled his eyes through his tears and nodded.

"Of course, you bloody idiot." He sniffed and Louis found himself crying too. He pulled Harry into a tight hug and let his hand wander down to Harry's flat stomach after pulling back. 

"Hello baby." Louis whispered and pressed his forehead against Harry's t-shirt. "It's daddy..." He said softly and Harry stroked his hair. "I'm not gonna let anything hurt you this time, I promise.." He whispered and lifted up the shirt to kiss below Harry's butterfly. "I promise..." His lips trembled and Louis began to cry harder.

Louis had never felt more sober in his life.


	6. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm shit at summaries, I'm sorry.

"I miss you." Louis whined into his phone as he slouched in his desk chair. The office was quiet today yet his boss had refused to send him home, even though she knew his situation. "I fucking hate Angela." He huffed and smiled sweetly as said lady walked past his desk and put some beige folders beside his keyboard.

"Work call, I hope, Mr Tomlinson." She raised her eyebrow and god, Louis hated her. He smiled and nodded. 

"Yeah, It's Mr Styles about 381 Forkdrive Avenue, surely I told you?" Louis matched her raised eyebrow, fighting a small smile as Harry giggled on the other end. "Sorry do you mind..." Louis trailed off and his boss nodded and left him to it. He waited until he saw her office door close before he rolled his eyes and swore colourfully. "Fucking bitch." He murmured and Harry gasped.

"You can't talk about a woman like that!" He giggled but Louis just grumbled. "Anyway, only an hour left then you can come back to us." Harry chirped and Louis found himself blushing at 'us'. "I love you." Harry sighed happily and Louis grinned to himself. 

"I love you too, now leave me alone, i'm trying to work." Louis scorned and Harry laughed. 

"Yes sir, see you when you get home." He replied and Louis smiled before hanging up. He put his phone back into the drawer with the rest of his crap; keys, wallet, snickers bar. He looked over at the large stack of customer reviews and groaned as he grabbed one, glancing up at the clock before he sighed and opened it, deciding to just get on with it so he could get home to his babies quicker.

***

"You're burning it!" Harry whined as he sat at the kitchen island with his hand over his 4 month bump, watching his boyfriend cook dinner. Louis tilted his head and pursed his lips. They were nervous now. They were further on than they were last time but they didn't wanna chance it. Harry was now lazy as fuck, making Louis even put his shoes on for him. "What! You're burning i- LOUIS! You're burning it!" 

"I'm not burning the mince!" He shouted back and Harry huffed, folding his arms. "Jesus, I know how to cook spaghetti bolognese! I'm not a complete disaster you know!" He frowned and turned his back to stir the meat, [it was a little burnt but whatever]. He stopped when he heard sniffing behind him. He looked over his shoulder and froze. Harry was crying. Louis sighed and turned off the stove, going over to pull his boyfriend's head to his chest. "I'm sorry for shouting at you, darling." He whispered into Harry's soft hair as he rubbed his side gently, arms slotting around to bump. "Don't cry angel, come on..." Louis kissed his head and closed his eyes, feeling Harry's body shake against his chest. "Haz..come on, love." 

"I'm sorry." Harry whimpered and Louis sighed as he kissed his boy's head again. "For everything...I know I'm a mess, I'm sorry..." His voice cracked and Louis shook his head and wiped Harry's cheekbones. 

"No, sweetheart. You listen to me. You have NOTHING to be sorry for. I snapped and I'm sorry. You're going through shit right now and I'm sorry..." Louis said softly and Harry exhaled slowly, nodding once, twice, three times. "Good boy...good boy for daddy." He whispered against the shell of Harry's ear and he went rigid. Louis smirked and kissed behind Harry's ear before letting him go and walking back to the stove. Harry let out a splutter and stared at Louis, wide eyed. That fucking word was swimming around his head. They'd done this in the early months, before Harry had discovered his kink for it. 

"D-Daddy..." Harry whispered shakily. Louis hummed and glanced over his shoulder as he cooked. Harry's throat went dry and he pressed his palms against his eyes. Louis smirked to himself, knowing what that word did to Harry. Harry opened his mouth to talk again but Louis turned around and smiled.

"Go wash your hands darling, dinner's nearly done.." He said slowly and Harry nodded obediently before he got up and walked down the hall to the downstairs toilet. 

***

"Everything's fine.." Harry chuckled as he curled up beside Louis in bed, holding his ipad as he Skype'd his mum, his muscles aching from sex. "How's Gemma?" 

"Gemma's fine, darling. She's gone to her friend's house, she'll be back soon, anyway...How's my grandchild?" Anne's face lit up and Harry smiled and lifted up the bottom of his shirt to show his mum to swell of his stomach which was being protected by Louis' small hands. "Oh, he's gonna be beautiful, Haz!" Anne sniffed and both boys groaned. 

"It could be a girl, mum." Harry laughed and Louis kissed his head, squeezing his face against Harry's to get into the shot. Harry rolled his eyes fondly and moved the tablet back so that Louis was able to fit. 

"Anne! How are you?" He asked loudly but Harry just smiled like the fool-in-love he was and pressed his face into Louis' neck, breathing him in. Anne chuckled and looked up, speaking to someone in the room before she shuffled over and Gemma squeezed in. "Ew." Louis teased and pulled a face which Gemma copied.

"Eurgh, gay." She snorted and Louis scoffed loudly.

"Eurgh, straight." They glared at each other before they laughed and Louis smiled. "How are you, love." He held Harry tighter, the younger boy purring into his neck. 

"I'm good! I just got home from a revision session at my friends house and- eugh, you guys are making me sick." She whined and rolled her eyes and Harry grinned. 

"Louis says the baby makes me glow." Harry smiled sheepishly, gently blushing and his sister snorted. 

"You're SUCH a dickhead." Gemma tutted and Harry whined like he'd just been shot. Louis pressed his hand gently to his boyfriend's forehead and pouted his lips out. 

"We won't have swear words in this house please, goodnight ladies, we love you!" He yelled and ended the call. Harry whined again but for a different reason and Louis let go of him to put the ipad on the floor. "I love you." Louis chuckled and tilted Harry's head to him to kiss his lips. Harry sighed gently and melted into the kiss, fingers carding through Louis' hair as the kiss got heated. "I'll sort you out in the morning baby boy...I promise..." Louis said against Harry's lips and the man nodded. Louis rubbed Harry's bump and smiled. "Good night, angel..." He whispered to their baby, looking up to kiss his boyfriend again. "Good night, sweetheart..." 

"Good night...daddy.." Harry giggled softly and Louis breathed in sharply. This boy was gonna kill him.


	7. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still shit at summaries, oops. @eternalarry_
> 
> Harry's due date is fast approaching & I really want pizza.

Louis woke up one morning to Harry sobbing with his earphones in, his phone in his hands. His boyfriend was sat on their windowsill which had a padded ledge, wide enough for Harry to sit on. Louis rubbed his eyes with his fist and sat up quickly when Harry started sobbing again, eyes closed as he rubbed his belly. 

"Hazza?" Louis said before he realised that he had earphones in. He got up and tugged them out of his ears, starting the younger man. Harry looked up at him wide eyed. "Whats wrong?" He whispered, gently stroking Harry's fringe from his face. Harry just sniffed before he closed his eyes and sobbed harder. "Baby, baby, baby..." Louis said softly as he stroked Harry's hair.

"Due date..." Harry choked out and paused the music. "I would have been due today..." He cried and looked up at Louis, who had froze with understanding. Harry sniffed and pulled out of Louis' embrace. Gentle kisses were pressed to his temple and small hands were held over his own larger one which was on his stomach. 

"Shh.." Louis said softly. "What're you listening to anyway?" He asked as he reached for an earphone and pressed play. He frowned and immediately pulled it out as "Say Something" by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera continued. "Why would you do something like this to yourself baby?" He sighed and took Harry's phone from him. Harry whimpered and looked like he was going to say something but he shut his lips and closed his eyes, letting Louis coax him back to bed, whispering soft comforts into his boyfriends ear.

***

The next few days wasn't so bad. Louis had woken up several times to a warm hot mouth stretched around his cock. On other day's he'd wake up to Harry furiously working his hand over his own prick, and that wasn't too bad either. And when Harry woke in the middle of the night, begging to be fucked, that hadn't been a chore either. 

"Lou.." Harry panted, cock straining against the front of his sweats, a dark grey patch stained around his crotch. "Please..." He whined, marking up Louis' tanned throat. Louis just chuckled and rubbed his eyes, checking the time on his phone. 3:10AM. 

"Haz..do you realise how fucking early it is?" He yawned, closing his eyes for a nano second before they opened when Harry tugged down the front of Louis' pajama pants. "Harry.." He moaned shakily as his cock was taken into heat again. 

"Please.." Harry whined, pulling off for air. Louis pet at his hair fondly and sighed dramatically before he nodded. "But I want you on your back, I don't want you doing too much bouncing around." He frowned and Harry nodded happily before he got off the bed and yanked his sweats down, resting his hands on his 6-month bump, sighing slowly at the ache in his back already but it was all gonna be worth it. He got back on the bed and Louis had carefully arranged the pillows so he would be comfortable, letting Harry lie down how he wanted as he pulled his own pajamas off, leaving them both naked. 

"Gotta relax, Haz." Louis reminded and Harry nodded, breathing steadily as he watched Louis turn on the lamp and get the half-empty bottle of lube out of their bedroom drawer. "Harry, I said relax." He scorned half-heartedly and Harry just nodded again, watching Louis' dainty hands as he slicked up his fingers, rubbing them together to warm them up. 

"Lou, I love you.." Harry said contently and Louis stalled to lean down and kiss him gently, lips slotting together. Louis nudged Harry's knees further apart with his own and pressed a wet finger to Harry's tense ring of muscle. Harry sucked in a breath and looked up at him, smoothing down the hand which was splayed over his stomach and bending his knees. "Such a pretty boy, for me..." He whispered, pressing his lips to Harry's knee as he worked his finger inside of Harry slowly. Harry had his eyes screwed shut, biting down on his lip roughly. "It's okay baby...want you to be noisy for me...Be noisy..." He whispered and Harry let out a strangled cry as Louis worked two into him. "Louis!" Harry yelled and tried to move his hips back down onto Louis' fingers. Louis shushed him with another kiss pulls his now-three fingers out. 

"Ready baby?" He asked as he rolled on a condom from their drawer and lubed up. Harry nodded,a delicious flush spreading down his chest as he watched Louis' hard cock in his small hand. "Good boy." Louis smiled and kissed his knee, opening his legs further as he pressed the tip of his cock to Harry's hole. 

"Please, Please, I need- please..." Harry begged desperately, holding his thighs apart. Louis kissed his collarbones, bottoming out quickly. Harry cried out and bit Louis' neck hard enough to leave perfect imprints of his teeth as his toes curled and he wrapped his legs [as best as he could] around Louis' waist. Harry's blunt nails were digging into Louis' back and he swore loudly as Louis pulled out and slammed his hips back against the soft flesh of Harry's ass. "Fuck, daddy!" Harry yelped and Louis felt hot all over.

"Doing so well, baby." He panted, letting go of one of Harry's legs to wrap a fist around Harry's cock. "Look so pretty for daddy, always so fucking pretty, Harry!" Louis grunted as he worked up a rhythm, the delicious skin on skin slapping from wall to wall. 

"So big daddy, s-so fucking big!" Harry yelled incoherently as he looked up through tear-glazed vision. His prostate was being jabbed and he hated how he couldn't SEE anything, he could only feel, hear and smell it. "I-I'm gonna come...can I come, daddy?" Harry pleaded, moaning again when Louis jabbed his prostate. 

"Come baby, show daddy how good you are..." Louis whispered and squeezed Harry's cock roughly before he was spurting messily up against his bump, yelling loudly. "Do you want me to-"

"No!" Harry cried. "Fuck me! Please, Lou! Fuck me!" Harry squeezed his eyes shut as he panted, twinges of sensitivity shooting up his spine. Louis kept thrusting into his boy until he came, emptying his balls into the condom. Harry was whimpering quietly as Louis pulled out carefully. He tied up the condom and threw it in the bin, his hot tongue lapping up the come from Harry's stomach while it was still wet. 

"So proud of my baby." Louis praised as he curled up beside his boyfriend, who was already dozing off again. "I love you Harry." He whispered, wrapping his arms around Harry's love-bloated middle. Harry grunted in response before he passed out. Louis turned the lamp on again and closed his eyes while Harry tucked his face back into Louis' neck, gently stroking Harry's sweaty hair out of his face. Harry was so perfect when he was asleep. He was always perfect, of course, but when he was asleep, you could see everything. His eyelashes were so long and dark, and they made his hair look longer. He was so beautiful, and Louis loved him with everything he had. "I love you, Harry. So fucking much..." He whispered softly, fingertips gently massaging their baby's home before he tucked his face beside Harry's, pressing their foreheads together so they shared the same breaths. "So much, H."


	8. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't summarise for shit..

"Louis! Louis! The Baby's coming!" Harry screamed as he laid beside his boyfriend in bed. Louis' eyes snapped open and he got tangled in the sheets as he threw himself off the bed and grabbed his jeans from the floor. Harry giggled and put his hand over his mouth, watching how Louis frowned in confusion and tried to untangle his feet from the bedsheets. "Sorry, love. I had to.." Harry giggled and held his hand out. Louis glared at him and huffed loudly as he got to his feet and threw his jeans at the floor. "Babe-"

"That wasn't funny." Louis snapped, rubbing his shin where he'd thrown all of his weight on it after launching himself to the floor. "That wasn't even remotely funny." His lips were tight in a line and he folded his arms across his chest. "I'm going in the shower." He huffed and turned on his heels towards their en-suite. 

"Louis." Harry frowned, hands resting on his stomach. "Come on, I can't see my toes, let me have my fun!" He whined and Louis scoffed from where he was brushing his teeth over the sink. "Anyway, it was perfectly acceptable for you to put nutella in my hand then stroke my face then laughed when i got it everywhere, but I do this and you have a bitch fit!" Harry yelled through the rooms. 

"I had a what?" Louis snorted.

"A bitch fit! A big, great big fat, whale-of-a bitch fit!" Harry yelled. Louis spat into the sink and rinsed his mouth out before spitting again. He rinsed the brush out and put it back in their small cup, beside Harry's pink one. He sighed and filled the sink with warm water before squirting shaving foam onto his face, covering his scruff with white. "-and I do everything around here, I'm pregnant for god sake! I don't need you causing me to moan about shit! And another thing-" Louis rolled his eyes and zoned out, shaving along his jaw. "-and I can't do this on my own!" Harry cried. 

Louis dried his face and ran his fingertips over his smooth jaw. He smiled slightly as it felt like being 19 again. He sighed and drained the sink before he turned on the shower and stripped. "Stop crying, Harry." He sighed and poked his head through the doorway. "Come on, you softie, get in the shower." He rolled his eyes fondly and Harry sniffed, nodding as he got up and clumsily made his way to his lover. Louis smiled at the sight. He'd probably never get sick of the sight of Harry like this. He wasn't lying when he said the younger man was glowing. He looked full, and happy, and perfect. 

"I'm sorry, Lou." Harry whispered, accepting Louis' hug. "You shaved your face..." He pouted and Louis shrugged, kissing the top of his head. 

"Fancied a change...come on, lemme' wash your hair, aye?" Louis chuckled and let go of Harry, watching him strip. (And If he got to give him a blowjob in the shower, then who did it harm)

***

"How's college?" Zayn asked as he sipped his cappuccino in the small New-York styled cafe a corner away from where Harry took his classes. Said man groaned and pressed his fingers against his bum through his hoodie pocket and took a mouthful of his pineapple and mango iced smoothie. "Not too well I take it then..." He laughed and Louis silently shook his head. 

"It's shit, I have to piss 49204 times a lesson, my back hurts all the time, I smell grease and I wanna chuck my guts up, and this is college kids, they live off of burgers! I've been eating spinach omelets for weeks!" Harry whined and buried his face in Louis' neck, who was nodding with a smug smile. 

"Don't worry babe, we get our baby soon. The doctors have all said she's healthy, she's of reasonable size and weight...she's gonna be perfect, like her mummy..." Louis whispered the last part into Harry's ear. Harry blushed and smiled softly. Louis leaned down to nip at Harry's earlobe and Zayn gagged. "Oh fuck off, Mr I-Haven't-Got-Laid-In-Years." Louis chuckled while Harry purred into Louis' neck. "I love you." 

"I love you too.." Harry said softly and kissed Louis' jawbone, just below his ear. "Come on, I'm hungry. BLT please." Harry winked and pushed the menu in Zayn's direction, content with how Louis' arms felt when it was wrapped around his lower back, gently stroking the side of his bump under Harry's shirt. 

"Right, Right, Louis?" Zayn asked, raising his eyebrow at his friend before looking down to the menu. Louis opened his mouth and made a drawn out noise as he tilted his head and looked down at the menu. He shrugged and closed his eyes, poking at the laminated paper before he opened his eyes again. 

"Cheese & Ham Toastie with Chips and Salad, sure." He shrugged and took a mouthful of his tea which was cold by now but Harry had paid for it, so he was gonna drink it. Zayn nodded and picked up their glasses, taking them to the counter. Louis sighed happily and lifted a hand up to push Harry's curls out of his face. Harry hummed when Louis' thumb skimmed over his jaw gently, brushing across his lip. 

"I love you..." Harry said again, kissing his boyfriend's thumb. Louis grinned and moved to pull Harry in closer, whispering the words back into his ear. Zayn gagged again when he returned to the table with new drinks. He put down Louis' tea and Harry's smoothie first before putting down the tray with his cup on it. 

"Guys, PG-13 please." He joked but Louis still flipped him off. Zayn laughed at that and winked at his friend. "I'm serious though, you're sickeningly sweet..." He said seriously, watching his friends as they canoodled. 

"You're just jealous." Harry smirked and poked his tongue out, poking his finger into the cream on top of Zayn's coffee and sucking it into his mouth. "That's disgusting." Harry turned his nose up and pushed his chair out, lifting up from the table. 

"What's wrong, babe?" Louis frowned and wiped his mouth with the napkin. Harry just smiled and kissed his boy's forehead. 

"Need a wee." He whispered and smiled as he slowly made his way to the toilets. Louis watched after him and smiled until Zayn smacked his arm and he growled. 

"What the fuck was that for?!"

"You! You look like some love-sick puppy! Damn Lou, i've never seen you like this!" Zayn said.

"I've never felt like this.." Louis sighed and smiled at his hands. "It's lovely.." He looked up at his friend. "I'm gonna be a dad.." He grinned, tears glazing his eyes. "Me. I'm gonna have a baby..." He sniffed and smiled, saying the words for the first time. 

"Aw, man!" Zayn grinned and smiled, going to hug his best mate. "You're gonna make a brilliant dad." Zayn whispered into Louis' hair as they hugged. Louis sniffed again and nodded, holding his arms around Zayn tightly. A cleared-throat made the boys pull apart and Louis blinked up at Harry, who had his eyebrow raised. "Sorry." Zayn blushed and moved back to his own seat. 

"Are you okay?" Harry whispered as he sat back in his chair. Louis nodded and took a deep breath.

"I love you..." Louis frowned and held Harry's hand and he chuckled, opening his mouth to speak but Louis shook his head. "I love you so much.." He whispered, hands cupping Harry's jaw. "I want to be yours forever, and I want you to be mine... our baby is going to be so loved.." He said slowly. "You're perfect, Hazza. My perfect Hazza. My sexy, pretty, caring, funny, stupid, clever, annoying, tidy, clumsy little Hazza..." He blinked the tears out of his eyes and sniffed, taking a deep breath before he kissed Harry quickly. "Marry me, Haz." He said quickly and Zayn choked on his coffee while Harry's eyes widened. "Marry me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos & comments please!:D @eternalarry_


	9. Please just tell me it's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haven't got any better at summaries, sorry! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos & comments welcome!

"W-What?" Harry whispered, watching every small movement Louis made. "W-What do- What?!" Harry frowned slightly and shook his head out of Louis' hands. "Why here, why now? Louis we've discussed this." He said slowly, cheeks blushing in embarrassment, and the knowledge that they were doing this in front of not only one of their closest friends, but a busy cafe in central London. 

"Harry, babe, I know we've discussed this..." Louis said shakily because this definitely wasn't how he wanted it to go. Far from it. "Please, can we talk about this..." He said quietly, reaching out to try and cup Harry's face again. Harry sighed and held his hand properly. "I'm sorry I've embarrassed you..." Louis said softly, tucking his chin into his scarf, looking down at the table. Harry made a small noise and frowned, slowly pulling Louis' hand up to his face, which Louis immediately stroked. 

"I love you, Louis..." Harry said quietly, kissing Louis' palm gently. Louis sniffed and closed his eyes for a few seconds. Zayn whistled quietly and sat back, watching how intensely the lovers were staring at each other. "Okay." Harry breathed out and Louis frowned slightly before Harry opened his mouth again. "I'll marry you.." He whispered, smiling softly. Louis' eyes widened and he gripped Harry's face.

"R-Really?" He asked and his voice cracked when Harry nodded. "Oh, Harry..!" Louis cried and kissed him quickly, holding his face in his tiny hands. "Harry, I love you, fuck, Harry!" He sniffed and kissed him again and Harry blushed. 

"Lou, you're hurting me..." He said quietly and Louis immediately let go, blubbing like a baby as he looked up at Zayn who was grinning. "Aw, babe.." Harry cooed and pulled Louis' head to his chest. "Such a softie.." He whispered against the older man's temple. Louis put his hands over his face and sighed quietly. 

"Thank you, Harry..." He said quietly. "Thank you so much..."

***

"Louis!" Jay screamed on the phone and Louis smiled from where him and Harry sat on the sofa with the phone on loudspeaker in his hand. "Thats so great! Holy shit!" The grin was evident in her voice.

Harry chuckled again and closed his eyes, letting Louis' thin fingers sort through his hair. Harry let out a low groan before he opened his eyes and eyed the phone nervously. 

"We're not doing what you think, other mummy, I promise.." Harry gasped quickly, closing his eyes again when Louis' warm lips pressed to his forehead. "Love you." He whispered and Louis smiled against his head. 

"I love you too." Louis murmured, a small hand running up Harry's torso in order to rest it upon Harry's, which was on their bump. "So perfect, Hazza.." He whispered, kissing his boy's forehead again and Harry sighed in content. 

"I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds to it...congratulations!" Jay cried and the boys bid farewell before the call was ended and they could kiss properly. It was a sweet kiss. Far less spit, and teeth, and tongues than when they'd arrived home and had sex on the sofa, but it was still nice. 

Louis' hand was drawing absentminded shapes and patterns around Harry's navel, smiling against his lips if ever their baby kicked. 

"You got my baby inside of you..." Louis drawled as he wiggled his finger in Harry's belly button, the younger boy squirming. "Got my perfect little blue, or green, eyed little girl inside of you Hazza..." He whispered. "'m so fucking proud of you!" Harry's eyes welled up and he bit his lip, holding Louis' jaw in his hands, pressing their lips together. "You're everything I could've ever asked for, Haz. I'm so lucky..." 

~~~

"Does anyone work here?!" Louis snapped as he leaned against the clean sneeze guard, which was protecting butter-cookies, red velvet cupcakes and battenbergs, as well as other sugary treats. He had a packaged sandwich and a bottle of orange juice in his hands and he huffed annoyed. He had already had to cut his lunch hour short, meaning he couldn't go to the usual deli he went to for lunch. Instead, he was stuck in a small bakery which smelt like bread he couldn't afford and smoothies...he couldn't afford. He tapped his £2 against the counter and sighed in silent relief as a voice called "one second!" Louis adjusted his tie and stood up straight, flicking his fringe from his face. And if he looked at his reflection in the glass guard, then sue him. 

"Sorry, there was a problem with the oven and I'm not qualified to fix it...it's quite funny actually, I've only been here for 5 weeks and it's broken four times, I guess it's because everyone's bought bread, I like bread, do you like bread? I'm rambling..." A tall man...boy? flushed red underneath the flour which was caking his face. Blue eyes met green before green lowered timidly and poked the cash register. Louis cleared his throat and looked around the empty bakery. "Sorry, I'm Ha- Sorry.." He mumbled and Louis chuckled amused.

"S'fine, but If I don't get back to work soon, I'll be in here without a job, gazing at cakes I can't afford, like that lemon drizzle there-" Louis poked the glass and smiled, pushing his lunch across the counter to the worker. He smiled while the boy registered it and looked down at the plate of half sliced lemon drizzle cake Louis had been pointing at. He bit his bottom lip (and no, Louis didn't watch. much) and got a brown paper bag from beside the register and went over to the cases, cutting a generous slice before he put it in the bag silently and put it in the plastic bag with the rest of Louis' lunch. Louis' eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest that he didn't have enough money when the boy smiled sheepishly and the register dinged. 

"£2 please." The man smiled and Louis blinked a few times before he pushed the coin across the counter with his pointer, frowning slightly.

"You didn't have to do that..." He said slowly, taking the bag when the worker gave it to him. "But, yeah, thank you....?"

"Harry." The man- Harry, finished, and Louis nodded with a smile. "I'm Harry, and honestly, I made you wait for fuck knows how- shit I swore, I mean-"

"It's okay..." Louis chuckled and rolled his eyes fondly. "Thanks for the cake...I'm Ishmael." Louis nodded seriously, biting his cheek when Harry's face crumbled in confusion. 

"O-Oh... Hi..Ishmael?" He said confused and Louis laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corner. 

"I'm kidding mate, I'm Louis." Louis said softly and Harry nodded slowly. The men didn't say anything for a while, seconds that felt like hours passed and Louis pinpointed his favourite things. Probably the flour that was smeared over the boys apron and face- until he got a cloth and cleaned himself up. Or maybe it was his thick curls, tucked into a grey beanie, although the curls around his ears were adorable. Maybe it was his jade eyes, or his dimples, or his thick lips, or-

"Um, Louis?" Harry said awkwardly, which snapped Louis out of it. Louis frowned until he realised it was him who hadn't spoken, and then he blushed. "Sorry, you zoned out..."He said slowly and Louis nervously laughed.

"Sorry, I- fuck, I gotta get back to work! Thanks Harry! I'll see you around. I'll pay you back for the cake one day." Louis smiled and Harry smiled fondly.

"Is that a threat or a promise." He winked and Louis blushed further.

"C'ya curly!" He called on the way out.

~~~

"And I promise, I will be the best dad, and husband, and fucking birthing partner you have ever experienced, Haz, because we-" He joined long fingers with his own and brought them up to his mouth to kiss Harry's fingertips. "-are a bloody team, and I don't care if you have to squeeze my hand until it breaks, or call me every swear word under the sun, I'll even let you punch me in the balls if it makes you feel better... but I love you, Harry Edward Styles-Soon-To-Be-Tomlinson-I-Hope, and I will love you, and our little girl until I die, I promise." Louis whispered thickly, kissing his boyfriend's forehead again. "Because I made a promise to a curly-haired little shit head who nearly got me fired..." Louis sniffed and closed his eyes. "This is me paying you back for the cake, Styles..." He finished and looked down at his boy. He framed Harry's face with his hands and openly sobbed, watching how even though he had fallen asleep, the same fond smile was spread across his lips as on the day he met his sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, this gave me cavities. 
> 
> Kudos & comments please!<3


	10. Please just tell me it's not my fault

There was an eerie silence in the flat, but Harry didn't mind. He was alone, as he usually was during the day while Louis went to work, or shopped, or visited his sisters. It was okay, he wasn't possessive like most people usually were, he knew that if Louis went out for a few hours, he always took his phone and sent him plenty of sweet texts. Harry's life was pretty good as it happened. Their baby kicked inside of him on regular occasions, and the pains he used to receive weren't even that bad anymore. As he shifted on the sofa, reaching a point where he thought he was comfortable, his eyes about to slip shut, the doorbell rang. Harry groaned loudly and tipped his head back in frustration; typical. The first time he'd reached a comfortable position all day and it was now that everyone decided to come and visit him, although, he wasn't sure he was expecting any visitors. 

He rolled himself up and breathed out loudly, going to answer the door. He frowned as his old school friend, Niall stood in the doorway. He had wet hair and as Harry twisted to look into the mirror, he could hardly believe that he'd missed the torrential downfall that had obviously happened over night. It was funny. He'd completely snapped out of reality lately, things piling up on top of him which made everything difficult and awkward. He wasn't so worried though, Louis kept him grounded. 

"Are you cold?" He questioned, not bothering to step to the side to allow his friend in yet. He'd had baby-head recently, so his brain cells weren't in usual functioning order. "Shit, sorry, you can come in if you want to..." He smiled and captured his bottom lip between his own, looking up at him with another fond smile. Niall was probably his best friend. 

"Well, seeing as you're offering..." Niall chuckled and slipped past the pregnant man, closing the door behind him. He smiled and looked up at his curly friend, chewing his lip roughly. "How's bump?" He questioned, following Harry into the kitchen, where he made them both tea. Harry sighed softly and shrugged, leaning back on the counter to rub his stomach. "Feeling weird?" Harry nodded, pressing his hands against his belly. 

"Yeah it just... It feels so weird, I have a person inside of me and I guess... I dunno, I guess I just like knowing my body's keeping someone safe... besides, I've never really been any good at keeping someone safe before..." Harry sighed, remembering the time when Louis and he first began dating. He wasn't sure how to flirt, and so he'd practised on a random guy In the bar they were at, which he guessed Louis didn't approve of. He wasn't too happy and he they broke up for a short while, which had obviously left Harry heartbroken. He loved Louis with all he had, even in the first few months, so having him angry at him for something which was obviously his fault, hurt. 

"Things going okay between you both? I noticed Louis didn't come to the night out the other weekend..." Niall chuckled as he finished off the tea making because Harry was smitten with his bump now and Niall didn't wanna tear him away, especially as Harry looked pretty adorable when he spoke to his own tummy. "I mean, you can tell me to fuck off and mind my own business but I care about you Haz, both of you..." Niall lightly rested his hand on Harry's belly, catching Harrys attention. The younger man smiled at him. 

"Everything's fine, Ni, I promise..." He said quietly, gently stroking his hair gently. "Honestly babe, you worry too much, It's pretty cute," Harry cooed and gently squeezed Niall's cheeks. "Cutie little blonde fuckface!" He grinned, kissing his forehead before he went to get some socks. 

After several hours of mindless chatter, giggles and venomous conversations about one Taylor Swift, Louis walked through the door, looking absolutely exhausted. Harry called for him from the living room, where Niall was talking to his bump, telling him he was one of the best uncles he'd ever meet. Louis smiled fondly and walked into the living room, biting down on his lip as he hung up his coat on the back of the chair. 

"How's my baby and our child?" Louis asked as he ran a hand through his hair. He smiled and leaned down to hold his jaw, biting his lip roughly. "Hm, daddy missed you..." Louis whispered against Harry's lips, which caused the younger boy to giggle and for Niall to blush profusely. Harry bit down on his lip and pressed their lips together gently. "Have a good day?" He questioned, nudging their noses together. Harry nodded and carefully sat up.

"It would've been better if you were here..." Harry said with a childish little pout, gently kissing his lips. "I love you.." He whispered, leaving a small imprint of his top teeth on his bottom lip he was biting it that hard. "How was work?"

"I love you too," Louis chuckled and sat on the sofa, running his hand up Harry's legs as he slipped them onto his lap. "God, George is a complete /asshole/!" Louis exclaimed, taking the tea Niall gave him. "Thanks mate, fucking hell, he told me to print out 540 copies of the newsletter, I know for a fact he did! So I spent three hours printing them, and then the fucker tries to tell me he said 140!" He frowned, shaking his head angrily. Harry just blinked at him with a slightly distant expression on his face. "A-Are you okay?" Louis asked with a small frown, feeling Harry's forehead before he moved off the sofa. "Baby, what have you done?!" He asked as Harry dropped his cup in his lap, whimpering before he started to pant. "Harry?" Louis asked, beginning to get worried. Harry whined and tipped his head back. 

"It's..." He panted out as he tried to take his pants off, whining in pain. 

"Oh god, not again! Harry? Harry is it the baby? Are you having another mis-" 

Harry cut Louis off with a loud howl of pain, which scared Niall into running to get water and pain killers, Harry shaking his head quickly. "My waters have broken..." He whimpered, looking Louis in the eye with a scared smile. "The baby's coming!"

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!:D @eternalarry_


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